Monday, January 24, 2011

You'll Be In My Heart

I finally stopped crying last night. I hadn't been to see Savannah and Addisyn since Thursday. So I got up the strength to shower this morning, eat breakfast and visit them. Savannah opened her eyes for the first time today! It was only for about 2 seconds but they were definately open!!! Addisyn hasn't forgot to breathe since Friday night! The girls are doing awesome!

Me on the other hand is a different story. I must have said I'm fine thanks a thousand times today and I didn't meen it once. I stopped crying but I didn't stop hurting. Everyone says it will get easier with time but I want to know when is that time?

11 comments:

  1. Oh, I'm just so sorry for you. You've been in my thoughts. Hugs to you and your girls.

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  2. I can not answer that but I think it will come with time. I am so glad you went to see your 2 girls though and look at the amazing things they are doing for you :) My thoughts and prayers are still with you all.

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  3. As someone who has lost someone close, I can assure you, the pain gets different with time. The loss will always be there - you will always love your little Olivia and she will always be a part of your heart. You will heal, but you'll heal with a little piece of Olivia as part of your life. Things will never be "normal" in the way they were before these beautiful, precious girls became a part of your life and now, it's about finding a different kind of "normal". You'll have good days and bad, highs and lows, moments when you feel that you can't get up out of bed and moments of guilt when you do feel happy, but it will ease. You still have two beautiful girls who will help ease the pain and a loving partner who will share your sorrow. You'll find strength inside you that you never, ever thought could exist. Hugs to you all. I'm so glad you're already seeing the joy that Savannah and Addyson can bring you when you're at your lowest - they need you and they will heal you.

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  4. I can't say anything that will take the pain away, but please know I am praying for you.

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  5. Its been 4 weeks today since I lost my son (born @ 23weeks6 days, died 2 days later...following you from the baby center April board). I have good days and bad days and eventually your good will outnumber your bad. That doesn't mean though that its not hard, it is so hard and no one really understands it. Outwardly you seem okay but inside you are hurting. I am still hurting. I don't know when the pain lessens though because it does still hurt more then I could ever imagine. If you ever need to talk my emaill is cmmillard@gmail.com, I know how your feeling and I wish I could help. Hugs and prayers to your little ones.

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  6. I was just thinking about you today and wondering how Savannah and Addisyn were doing. I'm so glad to hear they are doing well. Olivia is giving them strength.

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  7. when? never. it gets different, and eventually you will get to a point where it won't hurt as bad, but there will always be days where you will cry for olivia - when S & A go home from the NICU, 1st bday, anniversary of her death, holidays, Kdg....high school graduation....it will hurt. totally not the same, but i lost my aunt nearly 17yrs ago...i was 10....i still cry. esp since i'm due about 2wks before her bday. we're naming this one for her :) - and my eyes are misting over as i type, lol. its ok to be sad, to cry, to grieve, and to admit that you are hurting (and at times feel like you are dying inside). but don't let it destroy your life. S&A need you, both to be there for them, and to help them through their struggles, and, when they are older, to teach them about their sisters....both of them....and then as they understand things, to help them grieve the loss of the siblings they didn't get a chance to know.
    btw - i'm pretty sure all the nurses and nicu providers know better than to believe you when you say you are fine. its ok to let them know that you are having a rough time, and to cry on their shoulders, and to ask them for help in coping. they have resources available - but they won't force anything on you - take advantage of them.
    glad to hear the other girls are doing well!
    (((((hugs))))) continued T&P!

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  8. So glad Savannah and Addisyn are doing well, that is great. I know from experience that it will get "easier." That said, it doesn't really get easier, you will always miss her just as much... you just kind of go numb for a while, and then it gets easier to think about her. You will get to the point where you wont cry, or maybe you'll even smile, when you think of her. At first, this will make you feel worse, guilty basically. Eventually, those feelings of guilt at being happy will fade and you will be able to appreciate those memories.

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  9. I'll be praying that God helps you through this tough, tough time. I have no words to offer as far as it not hurting, but the comments above hopefully give you some solace. Time heals all - so cliche but so true. Just remember that Savannah and Addisyn both need you right now.

    Praying always!

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  10. I have been thinking about you and hoping you are OK. I have never lost a child so I am not even going to try and say something to make you feel better. I know nothing can but time. I am glad you got up and went to see Savannah and Addisyn today. They need you even though you are in so much emotional pain.
    My family is praying for you and your family always.

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  11. This is a fake blog! She is a fourteen year old girl PRETENDING to have triplets and making a fool of those who have lost a baby!

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