I smiled today. I even laughed a bit. While I was sitting with Savannah I was in tears knowing that I would never be able to do that again with Olivia but just then she opened her eyes again. This time she looked straight at me as if to say "I know your hurting mommy but it will all be okay, please be strong for Addie and I" She closed her eyes again. When I told "our nurse" that she opened her eyes "our nurse" seemed stunned and said that she hasn't ever seen her with her eyes open. She then went to ask the doctor and other nurses if they had ever seen her with them open and everyone said no. Turns out she's never (been seen) opened her eyes without me being there beside her. I've only seen it twice but it feels like she's saving it for me and that's so special.
I got to touch Addisyn today!!! I got to put one finger in her tiny little hand. Her heart rate stayed the same and her oxygen stats were perfect! Savannah's still a little too sensitive to be touched yet but hey we're getting somewhere. "Our nurse" was there with me while I got to hold her hand and she held my other hand while I cried but today they weren't tears of sadness they were tears of joy.
What I've learned over the past days and weeks is every day is a new beginning and the past is the past, some days are high days and some days are "one foot in front of the other days". But everyday is worth a smile because a smile is worth a thousand words.