Friday, January 21, 2011

I Lay Down and I Don't Want To Get Back Up

I don't know how I'm going to type this. 1:30 am Thursday morning we got the call no mother ever wants to get. Olivia had stopped breathing on her own and was now depenant on the life support. When we got to the hospital I couldn't walk through the doors. We got to hold Olivia one time each first I did then Gabe held her when it was time to take her off life support he gave her back to me so I could hold her for the last time. She took her last breath at 3:08 am. That was the hardest thing I've ever done. In the moment I saw everything we had planned for her, her first steps, her first day of school, her first date, her prom, her wedding it was like seeing her whole life flash in front of my eyes. We gave her kisses and hugs and let her go. I have been crying non-stop since Thursday morning. I lay down and I don't want to get back up. I don't know how I'll keep going.

23 comments:

  1. I am so, so sorry for your loss of Olivia. DH and I have been praying for her and for your family since we read your last post. We'll continue to pray for you and Gabe as well as your other girls often. <3

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  2. I am terribly sorry to hear this about Olivia. Just try to think about your other 2 little girls, they need you very much. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  3. my heart breaks for you. our family will be praying for yours.

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  4. jenn, I am keeping up with your 3 little miracles and your little angel. I am praying for Savannah and Addyson everyday and that Olivia would be looking over them when you cant. I hope you can find hope in this time that is so very scary, I remember it all too well with my 25 weeker. I pray that God is close to you all the time and you feel his peace as you make this long journey ahead. Please feel free to email me and I will lift you up as much as possible when your afraid!!!

    This verse got me through a lot of days and I posted it in the incubator above my little guy...
    "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". Psalms 48:14.
    Sincerely,
    Kendall Romig
    kendallnwade@yahoo.com

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family.

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  6. My heart is breaking as I read this. I am so sorry to hear about this, I have been praying so hard for little Olivia. I am praying hard for your family. Much love to you as you grieve your baby girl. Be strong for Addison and Savannah, but allow yourself time to mourn Olivia. If you need anything at all, please feel free to contact me on my blog.

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  7. May God hold your family closer tonight. hugs and prayers.

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  8. I am so sorry for your loss...i cant even begin to imagine what you are going through....my prayers remain with your family..

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  9. I am so very sorry to hear that your beautiful little Olivia has passed away. I so happy you were able to hold her before she passed and love her.She was a great fighter. I dont really have any other words for you but just want to let you know that you and your family are in my prayers and will continue to be. A big hug to you and your hubby.

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  10. I'm so saddened to hear your news. Please know that many of us our holding you all close to our hearts. I'm so glad you were there and were able to hold & love your sweet Olivia. May your heart find peace & strength in the days ahead.

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  11. I'm so sorry, Jenna. I can't imagine how much this hurts. Hoping for continued good news about Savannah and Addyson and saying prayers for your family and your angel.

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  12. My deepest sympathy and compassion. Lay down for as long as you need to. Thinking of you and your family.

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  13. I am sorry for your lose of you beautiful Olivia. I too have been praying for you family. I pray that she will watch over you all in Heaven and that one day when the time is right you will reunite with her in Heaven. I pray your family will make it through this very difficult time and you continue to focus on your other 2 little ones who need you most at this time. I will keep praying for your family and be sure to let all your feelings flow through you as long as you need too. I have no experienced this but I can not fathom it I am at a loss for words but we are all thinking you.

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  14. There are no words that can express my sorrow at your loss. Your family will be in my thoughts.

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  15. I'm so very sorry for your loss and hope you are surrounded by love and support.

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  16. Someone once told me that when a person hits perfection they are taken from us to go to a perfect place. Olivia your perfect angel is now in a perfect place where she can watch over you, Gabe, and her sisters. I know it isn't fair to everyone left here to morn, but just maybe thinking of Olivia in a perfect place surrounded by angels might help you lift your head form the pillow. I am truly so sorry for your loss. As always you and your family are in our prayers.

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  17. Oh no!!!

    I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Olivia.
    http://www.ourstage.com/tracks/HSMFQFXLWNUW-still

    The link is to a song that in some ways pertains,it is just beautiful and really speaks of a mothers loss. I know it feels so unfair, cry as much as you need too. Please know that the Lord has His hand on you all, we are praying for Savannah and Addyson..
    Fear not; for I am with thee, be not dismayed for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee, I will hold thee with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

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  19. Jenn,

    I know you don't know me- but I just wanted to say that I can't imagine the pain you are going through. Trust that God's plan is perfect, and know that He will hold you through this time.

    You should listen to this song when you have time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E332CdKjrik

    I will be praying for peace for you- God's peace, the kind that surpasses all understanding. I will be praying that you WILL be able to get back up and be even stronger for your other two girls. They need you! Olivia will be with you, forever. She's a precious little angel, now. God bless your family.

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  20. I am so sorry to hear this. we have been and will be praying for you and your family.

    Yolonda

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  21. I am so sorry, I've just cried my heart out for you. Hugs to all of you. I'll be keeping all of you in my thoughts and I hope to hear that Addyson and Savannah are thriving and home in your arms soon.

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  22. This is a fake blog! She is a fourteen year old girl PRETENDING to have triplets and making a fool of those who have lost a baby!

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